The Human Pyramid

by Neno Perrotta

These neighbors of mine are driving me nuts. At first it was only a matter of clothing, then it got out of hand.

The big woman, the one with short hair, walks around naked talking on a cordless phone. There’s always at least two little kids hanging on her legs or tagging along. Over three and they’re naked, too. Babies wear diapers, thank God.

And four ponies and a llama they keep inside an electric fence. That’s where you can always find the other woman, the one that most of the time will at least wear underwear. She trains the ponies. I can’t even guess what she does concerning the llama.

I asked the mailman, “What’s with those people over there? What’s their story?”

“Circus, I’m guessing,” he said. “But they both get un-employment checks and letters to the kids from all over the world.”

“Yeah. Sure,” I said. “A world-renowned, nude circus.” And to be honest, I was thinking Lesbian, too. But, since there were so many kids, I kept my mouth shut.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’ve got nothing against nakedness. And I like kids and ponies as much as the next guy. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that the carnival-like goings on became too much for me. That’s when they started with the human pyramids. To be specific, the naked-human pyramids.

Every time they try, the whole thing comes crashing down. With those diapers on top it’s a snow-capped mountain of naked flesh. It’s a miracle no one ever gets hurt.

So, now I have to worry that they’re not too bright. Hell, everyone knows you need at least one strong man to anchor a human pyramid. Maybe more.

That’s what’s driving me crazy. I even went over and asked them if they needed help. “I don’t know about the nude business,” I said. “But I could wear a bathing suit.”

“Thanks,” said the naked woman. “But, no thanks.”

“How about a cape?” I said. “Shorts and a cape?”

“It’s a family thing,” said the “bra and panties” woman. “We’re all in one, big happy family.”

“Okay,” I said. “But kids can get hurt. Somebody can get hurt.”

“No we won’t,” yelled all the kids. “We never get hurt.” They all talked at the same time, like they’d been practicing since the day they were born.

When I turned to go home all the kids laughed and ran to ride the ponies. I stopped and watched while some of them fell off and cracked their heads on rocks. One of the babies tumbled into the electric fence, delighted by the steam that danced up from her soggy diaper.